Why do vampires make terrible police officers?

What did the paper say to the pencil?

What did the Dorito say to his son?

What did one slice of pizza buy its girlfriend for Christmas?

What car can you only see twice a year?

How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?

What's the difference between people and chickens?

What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?

What do little fish love to play with?

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor & Gamble?

What's a candy bar's favorite Christmas carol?

Why are cats so good at finding dates?

When is a baseball player like a thief?

What's both a number one hit and a total failure?

What did the chef say when he made five great dishes in a row?